Who or Whom?

Hello Readers,

   In an episode of the old TV sitcom "Mad About You,"  Paul Buchman tells his wife Jamie that their apartment building may be going co-op.  He says he heard it around the building.  She asks, "From whom?"  He responds with, "What is it with you and the 'whom' thing?"  She retorts, "You talk your way and I'll talk right."
   Wouldn't it be nice if we all "talked right"?  So, when do we use who and when do we use whom correctly?  According to the Reference Manual for Stenographers and Typists, who is the nominative form, which means that it functions as the subject in both a question or as a relative pronoun.
Examples:  Who just called?  Grandma just called.  [question]
                  I know who just called.  Grandma just called. [relative pronoun]
Whom, on the other hand, is the objective form, which means it functions as the direct object of the subject and verb or it functions as the object of a preposition.
Examples:  Whom did you call today?  I called Grandma. [direct object]
                   To whom were you talking?  I was talking to Grandma. [object of the preposition]
Both of these words refer to people.

   Here are two examples of proper usage of both who and whom:
On an episode of "Boardwalk Empire,"  Margaret Schroeder, an Irish immigrant in Atlantic City and now Nucky Thompson's paramour, asks about the scratches on his chest.  He tells her they are from a hunting accident.  She inquires, "Who was hunting whom?"  *The first bold word is the subject and the second bold word is the object.  See?  She talked "right."

Example:  On "The Big Bang Theory,"  Sheldon overhears his friends Raj and Howard talking and he asks, "Who's going to tell whom about what?"  *Sheldon not only used the subject who and the direct object whom correctly, he even threw in a question word used for a thing.   Good speaking, Sheldon.

But check out the "wrong" way to talk:
Example:  Oprah Winfrey is quoted on the hoopla surrounding James Frey's memoir.
She says, "So I had called him up and personally apologized to him.  And he was receptive to the apology.  He is somebody whom I would say now is a trusted friend."  *Nope, Oprah, since he is now a trusted friend, who would have been the proper word used here.  It is the subject. 

   Now check out the example from "Jesse Stone:  Benefit of the Doubt."  Chief of Police Jesse Stone asks the Captain of the state Homicide Department, "Whose case is this, yours or mine?"  The Captain replies, "Both."  Jesse says, "Who defers to who?"  *The first bold word is correctly used as the subject, but the second one is the object of the preposition, and therefore it should be whom.

   Below are several examples of these words used "right."
Example:  Ada Calhoun's article in Glamour Magazine of November 2012 asks, "No matter whom you're dating . . ."  *Here it is the direct object.  You are dating someone. . .

Example:  In the TV Guide September 2013 issue, an article about the new season of "Castle" tells about the titular character's daughter and her new beau.  "Myko Oliver recurs as Pi, a 'hemp-wearing fruitarian' whom Castle's daughter Alexis met while working in Costa Rica."  *Again, whom is the direct object.  Alexis met him.

Example:  Amanda Knox wrote Waiting to be Heard  about her traumatic experience of being accused of a murder she didn't commit in Italy.  Still a suspect, she is asked by the police
[in her English translation of the Italian], "Who do you think would do this?  Whom do you know who disliked Meredith?"  *We have subject / direct object / subject.   All are correct.

Example:  Patti Stanger, the "Millionaire Matchmaker," always asks the millionaires after their mixer,
"Whom do you want as your master date?"  *Of course this is the direct object.  Good speaking, Patti.

Now come the examples of objects of the preposition.  Let's see which are correct and which are not.
Example:  Mr. Reese, vigilante on "Person of Interest," says, "He's being set up. The question is by who?"  *Since by is a preposition, the word after it should be whom.

Example:  On the TV show "Criminal Minds,"  the Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI is discussing the latest murders they are investigating.  They notice the importance of watches left on the victims.  Agent Jarreau wonders, "It's a message, but for whom?"   *Good going, Agent Jarreau. 

Example:  Richard Castle, on the TV show that bears his name, is a writer who consults for the NYPD.  At one scene, his partner, Det. Beckett, asks the C.O.O. of the night club where the murder took place, "Is there anyone else that you think might have wanted to harm Beau?"  The C.O.O. answers, "Unfortunately he received death threats on a daily basis."  Castle asks, "From whom?"
*Considering that his character is a writer, I'm glad to see that he speaks "right."

Example:  Attorney and Maid of Honor Rachel, in the movie Something Borrowed, is having a heart to heart talk with the bride who admits that she cheated once on her fiancé.
Rachel asks, "With whom?"  *Yea, the attorney talked "right."     

Example:  Lisa Lutz writes in The Curse of the Spellmans, "Our heroine, Isabel Spellman, is awakened by the phone.  'I had no idea whom I was speaking to' . . ."  *OK, here the preposition is not exactly in close proximity to the object pronoun whom, but it is still the correct usage. 

   **In conclusion, I know that the use of the word whom has long been retired by the majority of the English-speaking population, but I appreciate it when English is written or spoken "right,"  and I will continue to speak or write to whom I please with good grammar.